Lost

Have you ever hated yourself so much, and your own life, so much that you wanted to die and leave it all behind? Have you ever been so angry with yourself or another person that you want to destroy everything you've ever created for yourself?

I've felt that way today.

I was so absolutely angry that I didn't want to live anymore. I wanted not only to leave this world, but to destroy everything that was ever mine so that nobody would ever remember I was here.

All of my artwork...I wanted to burn it. To rip it apart and burn it. My knitted scarves...I wanted to pull them apart by their tails. My mirrors—I wanted to smash them all.


I can't stand my face. I can't stand myself. I can't stand my family anymore.


There's not anything left in this world that I want. There's absolutely nothing.


I don't believe in myself.


I don't believe in hope.


I don't believe in love.


I don't believe in my ability to love anyone.


I don't believe in life.


It all feels like a hopeless crock to me.


I don't believe in you, or anybody else anymore.


Just leave me alone now.


Just leave me alone.


I am lost.


Absolutely lost.